Dear parents of the bride and groom,
I was a nervous wreck last night. My daughter and a friend were driving a couple hours through the mountains… in heavy rain… at night… back to her tiny apartment by the University of Oregon. As I anxiously awaited the text that she was home safe, I tried comforting myself that she is a junior in college, technically an adult, independent, and capable of taking care of herself. The funny thing is, none of the facts seemed to change my anxiety and worry! That got me thinking about how it will feel to eventually watch her walk down the aisle at her wedding. It is out of the sheer terror I expect to feel that I write this letter to all parents of the bride and groom going through this now.
First of all, let me congratulate you on making it this far! Looking back, raising a child seemed so easy in the beginning, right?! They had little angelic faces and they said cute things like “I wuv you infinity!” The elementary years weren’t too bad other than our schedules began to fill up with sports, slumber parties, and school functions. When middle school hit, we got our first taste of what was to come. We started to become less cool and were more of a taxi service than the hero of their early years. By high school we were wondering where we had gone wrong. We were now so far from cool our little angels didn’t want to be seen with us and we had to send a text because we weren’t worthy of a phone call. Somewhere between 9th and 10th grade our precious babies, whom we had loved and nurtured, lost their minds and we got the blame. The hope we clung to during this time was that eventually the hormones would stabilize, the brain would resume its job, and our angels would return to us. Perhaps it was the looming milestone of adulthood but this miracle did happen for many of us about the time of their high school graduation.
Let’s pause there and savor that small victory! Go ahead, pat yourself on the back… you deserve it! If your baby has since gone on to college or a career, give yourself bonus points! Toot your own horn! We may be marginally cool again but I suspect we won’t be fully appreciated until our babies are themselves parents.
So back to the heart of this letter… your little angel is getting married. You may be feeling like you just barely got them back only to lose them again. It seems so unfair, right?! Their fiancé is now the most important person in their life, as they should be. Even if you adore their pick, you still feel scared, and anxious, and full of worry for them. How could you not?
As wedding photographers we see the emotions chasing across your face on the big day. Pride for the adult your baby has become, love that has weathered the good and the bad, hope for happiness in their married life, and yes, sadness from letting go.
Amidst the hustle of the planning and especially as the big day grows near, remember to take care of yourself. Carve out time to spend with your son or daughter. Don’t sweat the small stuff if things aren’t going exactly as you expect. Remember this is their day and ours is a support role as parents. Too often we see family barely speaking with each other by the ceremony for one reason or another. It is such a shame and a lost opportunity to share this wonderful experience together. No matter how difficult this is for you as parents, they too are going through a life-changing event and now more than ever need your love and support.
One thing is for sure… parenting is no easy task. Your fears and anxiety are normal! With patience, love, and understanding, your little angels will be heading into their new marriage knowing their parents will always have their back. We can’t think of any better gift than that! Congratulations and we wish you all the best.
Happy Planning,
Sharon and Laura
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